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Sunday, January 17, 2016

Alison's Online Poetry Slam

Here's the deal: it's my birthday week. ("WHHUUUUTTTT?" Yes.)

I would tell you how old I am, except you'll notice from my blog tagline that I'm being very secretive about my exact age and location so that none of my readers can stalk me, EVEN THOUGH YOU ALL KNOW ME IN REAL LIFE BECAUSE YOU ARE MY MOM AND MY AUNTS.

(Hi Mom!)

Anyway, I am celebrating my birthday by combining some of my favorite things: poetry, dumb jokes, and you. In other words, I am hosting an ONLINE POETRY SLAM, and you're invited.

Question: What is an "online poetry slam"?
Answer: Kids these days say "slammin" when they mean "good." So an online poetry slam is when I write poetry online, except the twist is that it's actually NOT GOOD.

Here's how we're gonna do this. You give me a topic and I'll give you a poem. The more specific the topic, the better.

For example, if you say, "Write me a poem about words,"  I'll say:
People who talk about words
Are English teachers, or nerds.

But if you say, "Write me a poem about Words With Friends," I'll say:
Words with Friends is a game,
And the people who play it aren't lame.
Here's how I know that is true:
It's a game that I play with you.

And if you say, "Write me a poem about our current Words with Friends game," I'll say:
It's true that I still haven't beat you
Despite all the games that we've played.
In protest, I say it's because of
All the fake words you have made.

Tau is a stretch, but I'll take it,
And zig isn't all that absurd.
But quags, macle, oi, si, and sned?
Your 'wins' are as real as your words.
(Hi Dad!)

So there you have it. Give me a topic, and I'll give you a poem.

If you send me a photo, I'll caption it in verse. If you mention a shared memory or story, I'll write a poem about it. If you want me to write a poem for or about someone, I'll give it a try.

  • Give me a topic and let me know if you want a nice or a funny poem. Examples:
    • "Our midnight drive through a Kansas ice storm - funny"
    • "Abraham Lincoln - funny"
    • "This picture of my baby - nice"
  • Send me the topic on the medium where you want to receive your personalized poem:
    • Comments section on this blog -- I'll respond in the comments
    • My Facebook wall -- I'll respond on my wall and tag you
    • Twitter -- I'll learn how to use Twitter and then Twitter you back. (TWEET? RETWEET? HASHTAG? The details are a bit #fuzzy...)
    • A private message, e-mail, or text -- I'll hit "reply" and send you your poem directly
  • WHAT: An online poetry slam
  • WHO: You. It doesn't matter if I know you well; come one, come all!
  • WHEN: All week!
  • WHERE: On technology!
  • WHY: Because my idea of birthday fun is writing cheeky limericks. That is the level of fun that you youngsters can hope to attain when you reach my age. Ha ha! 
Of course, no youngsters read my blog; they're all too busy snapping instatweets on their apple phones and trying to figure out if there's any difference between TIGHTS and PANTS.  (Question: Is there?  Answer: Get off my lawn!)

Actually, that might not make a bad topic for a poem. I can't wait to hear your requests, so let the online poetry slam begin!


Bob said...

How about a funny poem about engineers?

Alison said...

Engineers: Are they funny? Let's study a bit
To analyze this, if we can..
If you give them a program, they'll understand it
And soon they'll have drawn up a plan.

A number? They'll crunch it. A time card? They'll punch it.
No detail will be left unturned.
All "T"s will be crossed, and all "I"s have their dots,
For they'll practice the skills that they've learned.

But to analyze jokes? To crunch quips or fix puns?
It's suddenly not black-and-white.
Humor for engineers isn't a breeze,
But at least a few get it right.

(Hi Dad!)